Changes

I know I just posted, and yes I know it was REALLY long (I can most certainly ramble with the best of them), but I wanted to just post a couple of things really quick.

I am still smoking, but when I go to sleep and wake in the morning, I am not going to smoke anymore.  I am also once again cutting out a lot of calories, and drinking plenty of water.  Since moving down here, and sort of following the plan (except the smoking part), I have lost 10 pounds.. which is absolutely amazing.  I was at 205lbs, but now I am at 195lbs.  I liked being down around 170, and I hope I can achieve that. *crosses fingers*.

I'll be going fishing tomorrow, HOPEFULLY.  It will be at the highwater bridge this time.  We have been going to Tigerville park exclusively for fishing, maybe highwater bridge will have better catches.

Oh also, I am not going to shave my facial hair anymore, I'm growing a beard, I am also going to let my hair grow out like it used to be. I'm not going to be trimming my fingernails as much, and I think I'm going to get my ears pierced, and then eventually stretch them (need tapers, and flesh tunnels, we will worry about that later).

I'll also be attempting to walk more.  Up and down our road, starting out with only walking a few laps (well, all the way up and then all the way back down), and build up from there.  Should help with weight loss.

Ok, that is it for tonight.. I promise.

Rambling and Possibly Very Confusing

So this is my first post, so I will probably jump between topics, and sometimes I'll just stop writing about a topic, mainly because I get distracted easily and then I forget what I was going to write.  Anyways, lets begin!

We will start from the beginning of the situation which caused my spiral into hell.  I was in Houston, TX, living with my wife Brandi and my stepdaughter Allison, it was going pretty great.  I was taking care of Allison mostly, cleaning, doing chores around the house, and things like that.  One day though, Brandi starts bitching about every little thing that she could possibly bitch about, and some things that NO ONE would bitch about.  She even took off her wedding ring and never put it back on.  Around this time, she had started working at HostGator, actually she had already gotten out of training, and had been working on the overnight shift when she started bitching.  I started to think she was doing this so she could make me out to be a bad person, and so when she did something horrible she wouldn't feel any guilt.  I think I was subconsciously understanding what was going on, but maybe I didn't want to admit it to myself, or accept it.  Alright, lets get back on topic, new paragraph though since that part is over.

So we had been sleeping in the same bed, it was a normal marriage.  Well, after the crazy bitch fest that she decided to throw, I started sleeping on the couch, uncomfortable at first, but I got used to it, and actually started sleeping rather well.  Now here comes the really fucked up part.  A few weeks (maybe 2 or 3? I have problems with remembering the passing of time), she is coming home from work and she calls me, and immediately says "Be nice.".  I had no idea what she was talking about, so I said "Why?", and then she said "Because Jason is coming over.", of course I had no idea who this Jason person was, so I am like "Why is he coming over?" and she says... "Because we are dating now." or maybe "Because he is my boyfriend now.", I can't remember the exact wording for that last part, but its all the same.  What the fuck?!?  Yeah, you are probably thinking that after you read that part.  So, I bet you think that is pretty bad... I'm not done yet, the shit tornado is slinging shit and fans and is just getting started.

So, Jason was her boyfriend... that phone call was the first time I had heard about any boyfriend, Jason, or whatever.  We hadn't broken up, she didn't say "Its over", she didnt say "I want you gone.", etc.  She basically just avoided a confrontation, and maybe she assumed that we broke up, I have no idea.  I started sleeping in the front room, since no one walks that way, and I could be left alone.  Everyone walks out the back door to the patio, so I could be left alone and wouldn't have to see Brandi or Jason.  So now we are going to skip to later that week, or the week after, can't remember.  Yes she was sleeping with Jason, and I was still sleeping on the floor in the front room.  So, she has a kind of party, or gathering one Friday night (a day that she has off), and Luke (an old friend of hers), and Jason are there, and I maybe some other people, I remember there being others but I can not for the life of me remember who they were.  Anyways, they all leave, Jason stays there.  Lets skip ahead... and yeah, this is the start of another paragraph, and time for really fucked up things.

One day she comes back to the house and has another guy with her, named Jimm (actually its James, but he goes by Jimm).  Kind of confusing, but then they go into the bedroom and close the door... welp that is pretty much saying she is fucking him.  So he comes over every once in awhile, and one day she comes in and says "Jason is coming over shortly, don't say anything about Jimm.".  Well I wasn't going to talk to any of them, why would I?  If anything I would kill them, or beat the shit out of them, win or lose, I'd try and inflict some damage. Anyways, I am... for the most part a pacifist, I have to be extremely angry or protecting someone in order to actually fight, whatever.  So, she gets some stuff back from him (beach towels, and stuff that they had taken to the beach).  Now, the weird part is, she never broke up with him, or anything, no "talk" about separating and such, she just stopped talking to him and shit.  She really needs to learn that she has to talk about things like that.  So now, Jimm is her boyfriend, or so I thought... but she tells me outside that he is a fuck buddy, and so is Luke, and maybe Jason?  Anyways, he is basically living there at that time, and I am still being a hermit in the front room, not wanting to talk to anyone.  I guess she is thinking "There is no problem with me sleeping with several different men in the same house that my husband lives in, what is the harm in that?".  She thought I'd be ok with it.. how the fuck would I be ok with that?

I called my sister and asked if she could come get me, told her it didnt matter what day, but the sooner the better.  She said it would be one day or two, I can't remember.  So while I was waiting, and while Brandi was gone to work, I began collecting my stuff... books, ccg cards (mtg, mainly.. 30,000 or so), damn near everything, I emptied out the dresser of my clothes, and the closet.  I then pared down all of my clothes, 6 pairs of boxers, at least 6 pairs of socks (I think I added some extras), a couple of pants that fit, all of my slacks, 6 or so of my white t-shirts, and my shorts.  I still took some of my t-shirts that have graphics on them, but most of them are gone.  I tried burning all of the magic cards, but.. a small batch of them was taking way too  long, so I started putting everything in the outdoor trashcan (the one we take out to the curb) and then I even used the neighbor's trash can (she died several months ago).  So, all of the books that weren't programming books, ccg cards, several stuffed animals, etc..were all thrown away and i watched the garbage man pick them up the next day.

So, I have a kind of duffle bag that I shoved most of my stuff into, I had 5 or so programming books, clothes, music player, headphones, blanket, pillows, that was basically it.  Steffani came and got me the next day, and I told Brandi I was leaving to go eat.. and then I left.  I stayed quite a few days with Steffani, we rode horses, and stuff like that.  It was pretty fun.  Then she brought me up to my dad's house, and that is where I have been ever since.  That about sums it up, I probably missed some stuff, but I actually went in order and stuff. Oh crap, wait, forgot one thing...

Before I threw all my crap away and stuff like that... there was a day (it was a thursday, ah yes), for some reason i also thought it was a friday... and that was a big mistake (i'll explain in a moment).  On this Thursday morning, Brandi gets home from work, and we all load up and go to the grocery store for groceries, yes I know, shocking.  We finish shopping, and we go back to the house, and we smoke a cigarettes before unloading.  Out of nowhere she begins bitching about everything, nothing that I could see actually triggered it.  Well I hate getting bitched at, and most of the time I just walk away, If I can't walk away, then it will be a physical fight.  Fight or flight, and I'll mostly choose flight, unless cornered, GRRRR BARK BARK.  So, I just start unloading the groceries, and taking them inside.  She is still complaining this whole time, saying the yard needed mowing, and the kitchen needed cleaning, blah blah blah (i mowed the grass 5-6 days before this, but it rained and it was summer so it grew very quickly).  I went into the garage and got the lawn mower and was pushing it to the front and she put her foot on it and said "You can't just do what you want to do", ...I didn't want to mow the yard, I was going to mow it so you'd stop bitching, I didn't say anything. I just walked into the house, grabbed a bottle of water (I already had everything else, hat, phone, wallet, etc). I walked out the back door, and started down the drive way, and she yells "If you leave, you aren't coming back", I took out my phone and threw it down on the driveway and it broke (the cover for the battery, the battery itself, and that was it.. came off), damn phone is durable.  Then I left... I walked 12 miles, and eventually ended up at my best friend Michael's apartment, where I stayed for 3 days and then had them take me back to Brandi's house.  A few days later (not even a week, If I remember correctly), I left with my sister Steffani.  Now, I am pretty damn certain that is the end of the story... I've probably left something out, but I am tired, and I am pretty sure that is it.  I should be going to sleep.